Designed to………stay close with friends!


All my life, which is a few years in total now, I have never had “the gang” or “the group” of close friends. I am the one who can count a good solid friendship on one hand, but have always considered that all I needed. That one true friend, who knew all, said nothing and would always be by your side.

Funny how that means so many different things to so few people. As I sit here and wonder, where they are, how it took place, or maybe what did I do (although what I didn’t do may be a better response) that would leave me here by myself for years!

Friendship is not a come as you feel like it, although it should be a come as you are. Friendship is not a one sided relationship, although both sides should feel as one. Friendship is not a season, friendship should be a lifetime.

For years I was the one who sat behind, as others moved in shotgun. Traveling at all hours day and night to pick up, drop off, purchase something needed, and so forth, the things that friends do for one another. Taking the blame for things I did not do in hopes of saving that good friend some pain, embarrassment, a hollering from someone that they would rather not see. Stepping into predicaments I did not want to be in, all in the name of that forever friend.

Forever sure went by fast. As I sit here this night wondering, do they know I am lonely, a tear in my eye, a whole in my soul…….do they care? Do they think of me at all, besides how nice it would be if they could give me a quick call to do the next thing for them.

Sad at my age, to feel left out because I do not possess the money to do the same, have the same “no fear, get up and move” attitude. The “screw them” way of thinking that seemed to be the norm. Was I blind by the fun times, calls to be a part of something I thought I belonged to. Hard to explain as you sit here alone, looking at pictures on social media of great laughs, fun times, with names of people involved……and your name, face, not mentioned.

I am too old to cry about it, I am too kindhearted to complain about, but most of all…….I am simply me. Simply the girl you took forgranted, the best person you will ever meet, the one who had your back, your tear, your family and your hand………….when someone shows you who they really are……believe them.

After all we are designed to…… ourselves.


Designed to…….stand alone?


Every evening I do the same “to do list” ritual. I write out all the things I will do tomorrow, for the week, and set them in my day planner with all great intention of crossing off everything on the list (insert eye roll)! I read passages, quotes, and the such to give me a boost, a lift so to speak to get things in order.

I already stand alone, single, children all grown up……and my dog, who spends her days laying on her back sleeping has less than zero concern about my succeeding in life as long as the food bowl is full. Seemingly to her this simply is the statement that life is grand, end of the discussion.

The days of telephone conversations, coffee’s in cute shops and sitting on a bench somewhere exchanging the days events, gossip or simply having a good laugh also have all but disappeared… sit alone, stand alone, and talk…..alone. Everyone is looking into a laptop, a phone, tablet or talking into the air like a FBI agent with there finger on a device placed in their ear. Where are the real people? The sincere conversations, the noise of laughter…..?

The thing about the internet is the ability to become someone you are totally the opposite of, a vision in your mind of the person you want to be, if you had the means, the money, the drive to become, whatever your case may be. 1265 friends on a facebook list and yet you can walk by 1263 of them without a simple smile, wave, hello. Yet seemingly you are a popular person!@!@! Really, then why do I sit alone. Why is a Friday night spent looking out the window as the cars drive by, and if I may add, with usually only one person too (even the travel has come to a 1 or 2 person max it seems), there are no more car loads of people bouncing to music, arms waving out the windows……..they drive…..alone.

I recently read a news clip that depression, anxiety, and different disorders are on a whirlwind increase in this new era……blamed on the food of course. DO NOT EAT SALT, SUGAR AND DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT TOUCHING THAT PIECE OF BREAD!!!! Are you kidding me????? Maybe this is due to the fact that talking in real time ( lol trying to be funny) is gone, visiting in person, entertaining not via Skype and periscope and whatever else is out there might have something to do with it… its the syrup on your pancakes….cut t out for pete’s sake that stuff is making you anti social.

What is your take on it? Is it the sugar, the syrup or the fact that no one needs to actually see anyone in person anymore and actually develop social skills, real social skills?

Designed to… enlightened?

Designed To Succeed


Book after book, countless authors and titles of various degrees but all containing the same content…..enlightenment, get what you put out, positive thinking….whichever way you want to think about or manifest it, may be a better choice of words, is it the choice of the book that is the answer or the feelings and thoughts that you have while reading the book that makes the great change in your life?

Personally I do not think that any one book, any one author or any one title is the key to the big change in your world! Words in a book are just that, action makes change, and whichever book will give you the push, desire, ah ha moment to go out and make your desires come true, manifest that which is in your heart is the right one….for you.

I have read quite a few of the various books out…

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Designed to… enlightened?


Book after book, countless authors and titles of various degrees but all containing the same content…..enlightenment, get what you put out, positive thinking….whichever way you want to think about or manifest it, may be a better choice of words, is it the choice of the book that is the answer or the feelings and thoughts that you have while reading the book that makes the great change in your life?

Personally I do not think that any one book, any one author or any one title is the key to the big change in your world! Words in a book are just that, action makes change, and whichever book will give you the push, desire, ah ha moment to go out and make your desires come true, manifest that which is in your heart is the right one….for you.

I have read quite a few of the various books out there. Which one has you living your best life, or showing gratitude, doing that which you love and dreamt of? Please comment below, you may give another person the book that changes their lives. In the meantime, I will give a bit of my view on the topic of…..enlightenment.

There is no wrong in trying to improve oneself, there is no wrong in having to read book after book, or rereading a book if needed to be a better you, to have gratitude and show gratitude, to live a life that is fulfilling to yourself.

Waking up each morning and be eager to see what the day holds, happy and excited with anticipation for the days events, is a morning I have been searching for most of my life. For the past 15 years for sure, I have been praying that there is more in this world for me. Searching for an endless smile, a contentment with where I am……an enlightenment.

What is the one thing that you did that changed your world? Made you have a feeling of, I am here now, or a place where you can say you are happy to have arrived? I wait patiently and read books half heartedly hoping that this one, or that one will keep me curious enough or involved enough to read it to the end.

Peace with where a person is has to be a great destination. I do not think it is THEE destination, the end of the search, but a place of calmness that we all wish for in a world that is spinning, shaking and tossing us around. People now a days are so upset, angry, frustrated and withdrawn that it is hard to walk down the street and smile at someone, no one is looking past their phones, or to say hi without realizing that they have a mechanism in their ears or go past so fast your not even sure if the person was male or female.

Busy people rushing to a place they do not want to be, to do a job they do not like, to buy things they do not need, to look like people they do not like, to never actually enjoying it anyway. This is the life of the normal person believe it or not!!! Believe it…….

When did it all turn around, where did manners, happiness, friendly neighbourhoods, helping one another go? It amazes me that we have a Snow Angel award in my city….this is for people who shovel other driveways without being asked, and people nominate them for this prestigious award. Wow, when I grew up this was the norm not a city reward worthy event. Helping others is a part of enlightment, being kind just because, an inner compassion for others and the world around you. Being at peace with yourself, will bring you peace with the rest of the world, or at least I hope so in my relentless quest for inner happiness.

I’ve mentioned before, where I work, the people do not have many if more than 1or 2 choices in a day of their own. Going for an ice cream is something that they can not wait to rush in the door and let me know that they did it, they got the cone aaaannndddd the hard stuff on it too!!! Excited beyond belief….yet I find it hard to smile for anything. Sad some days, but we live in the same world, yet of two separate worlds. They say I am there hero…….the person they think has it all, a car, a house, and a puppy… life is grand. The truth is……I wish just for one day I could see the world through their eyes, where the color of grass is entertainment for hours, the thought of ice cream has me smiling all day, and just giving someone a hug makes me feel helpful. They are my hero’s, they make me smile.

The feeling I search for is the peace, the calmness and the serenity that material things do not matter, this to shall pass mentality…….is this in a book, is this in life, is this a state of mind with a noting of positive thoughts versus negative thoughts?

The search continues because I am sure we are designed to……be enlightened!

Designed to… YOUR life!


With anticipation and a desire to know what the heck, I along with what I can only assume is millions of others sat and waited for the start of what was expected to be an epic delivery from Bruce Jenner of his transformation into the “woman” stage of his life. So many ideas, presumptions and accusations of simple media hype ran rampant for months prior to tonight. Finally, the truth is told (which is now open to even more assumptions and accusations I am sure) from the man (for tonight) himself to all the followers…..Bruce is indeed transforming into a woman. My question is simple, “Now what?”

As he said himself (I hope I say it right) he wants to “save the world, or hopes this helps the world”. Well  he is not the first, nor is he the last, but the world does need to be saved. Unfortunately, if you ask me transition is not on the top list of things we need to be saved from, by or for. We need to be saved for the outcome of the responses. The responses, actions and lack of are what we all need to be saved from, helped with and lead to an understanding.

Designed to live the life that makes us happy, this should not be a burden built up for years and years. Something we need to hide in the closet, we should be able to wake up, and be us. How far from the truth is this simple statement. How much pain and suffering is this simple state of being to millions of people around the world in a century so open and offering with literally unnumerable ways of being.

To agree with, to disagree, to call it sinful, delightful….I’m not sure I have a foot in any of those. I do know this for sure, in a world so full of pain, pain of the mind and heart, where children and adults are killing themselves, torturing themselves, lashing out in unspeakable ways……which is worse, letting people live happily or the latter? Now for the ridiculous people (yes there are some) who say ( and it was said to me) “If someone feels they are okay to marry a 9 year old, or worse to children…..does that mean we should let them go and be happy?”… response…..shake it off (that was the nice way of not repeating my response).  I am not even going to go there past that sentence. I am talking only of transgender, cross dressing etc. These things do not harm other people, in the sense of hurting with pain and bruises…..feelings of course…..but feelings and thoughts are of the mind. Painful feelings are a choice you make, not the pain they are inflicting on you. There is the difference, how you look at it is the cause of a smile or a tear.

Courage, to take the response and the fear to take the response are the driving force of the number that the media or medical field can use to say how many people do not come out or do come out. I would assume the number is staggeringly much higher than we can imagine if the fear was not a component in it. I myself am scared on occasion to wear my glasses in public for fear of what people will think……yes the struggle is real…..I could only dream of having enough courage and strength to take steps in my life that I dream of.

We only get one life here to live, one chance to pursue our dreams, live happy, feel like we are being authentic to ourselves…..why waste it on the thoughts and worries of people we will never meet, people who will never contribute a darn thing to our lives? Family, friends and even our foes will be better off if we are our authentic self. It is only when we are true to ourselves that we can truly love and be of help to the ones who are close to us.

To Bruce and all the other people out there in this cruel, heartless world…….be you, do what makes you happy and if everyone had the ability to do this……maybe the world would be less cruel and heartless. People would have a reason to smile, feel good about themselves and help one another, treat others like they want to be treated. This is the goal, the thing that we need to do to change the world, make it a stance we want to take. It has zero to do with the decision to wear a dress as a male or a dress suit as a female…’s about the feeling inside and the authentic self love.

We are designed to have laughter, love, prosper and live our dreams……..we are designed to be happy. So I ask you all….really make a conscious decision to LIVE YOUR LIFE however it makes you a better person to help yourself be productive and help others as well. This is what it is all about!

Designed to…….have money??????

Picking up a book I quickly go to the introduction. The title…..How to Save and Live on Minimum Wage, finally a basics on money 101. I have hit the jackpot, not a mutual fund, hedgehog (whatever that is, I just like to say it), RRSP fund and all the other you already have money books but alas a bottom of the barrel book. I read in anticipation, already making my way to the till.

Halt, stop, actually dead stop! What to do with that $5000 to make it into $50,000.! This is your introduction, the bottom of the bottom, minimum wage help is on the way book…….really! As a matter of fact, it apparently is the book…..or it is just me.

I have been on a search for information, help, hints and tips on saving money, budget plans whatever there is, and this is pretty much the information that I read all the time. Now forgive me if I am wrong, but if you have $5000 saved up I believe you are doing pretty dang good!!! I am hard up to find $5 at the best of times, paycheck to paycheck for some of us in this world is doing GREAT! If someone tried to rob me I would start looking with him and go half with whatever we find. Hey, maybe I put it somewhere and forgot and a burglar would or if he/she is good will know where to look!@!@#

Circumstances beyond my control, a lengthy breakup and a few accidents here and there have put me in a bracket I do not care to stay in for much longer. I guess when you do not have $5 to spare it is not like you can go out and open a savings account and hope for good interest. But if anyone has any idea of a site, book, worksheet please let me know…….After all we are all designed to succeed…..and money helps with the success part.

Designed To Smile……even in the Cold


As per usual the first days of spring are less than stellar in Canada. The waiting and anticipation of a season that is so promising of color, sunshine and what people tend to assume is the source of smiles is all waiting on that calendar date that has first day of spring printed on it in magical letters.  Although, we sit inside looking out as the snowflakes still fall, a sparse blanket of white is still laying where we dream of flowers and green grass, where as usual just the day before was so promising with the sun shining, pavement everywhere and puddles, birds chirping and the morning of the first day of spring printed on the calendar date for tomorrow …..the date on the calendar that we know all to well is not going to make the grass green, the flowers pop up mysteriously or the smile fill our face. We act as though we are in total shock that it did not happen. That the sun of yesterday, the birds chirping and the shoes by the door are now a far off dream of a day that will surly not come.

Winter is not the demise of the smile, nor is the cold, nor is the bone chilling wind that envelopes us as we step out the door no matter what time it is day or night. Do not get me wrong, I am no ray of sunshine come the end of winter myself, I also believe it is a season that is about 4 months too long ( you can tell I do not own a sled,) but the killer of joy and smiles……winter is not guilty ( just a close accomplice).

The smile that eludes you is not there because of the way you choose to view the day, the season or basically your world. That upside down frown could easily be put back in the right location with a change in your attitude. You are designed to smile! God has made you to smile, to enjoy and have in abundance. Smiles in abundance, happiness to fill all your days.

The search for the smile, or warmth will make certain fine Canadian folks spend thousands of dollars, travel thousands of miles to a far off location just to evade the cold. So they can smile! Smile in another warm far off country is worth leaving their home behind, family behind and take out a loan, or pinch and save for months to afford to go away before the first snow flake hits the ground………to smile! As they talk about the weather here at home,  grimace and scornful look comes across there face like it is a painful thought, and then a smile beams bright when they talk about the sun and heat of their destination……..that is one expensive facial expression if you ask me. A facial expression and a feeling that is free of charge from God if used properly with what God has given each and every one of us.

I say this as simply as possible….I can always put more clothes on but I can only take so many off before its called indecent and the cops are involved…..and I am the reason you do not smile….enjoy the days, there are lots of things to do, smiles are in themselves an attitude adjuster. It is not possible to smile and feel bad.