All my life, which is a few years in total now, I have never had “the gang” or “the group” of close friends. I am the one who can count a good solid friendship on one hand, but have always considered that all I needed. That one true friend, who knew all, said nothing and would always be by your side.
Funny how that means so many different things to so few people. As I sit here and wonder, where they are, how it took place, or maybe what did I do (although what I didn’t do may be a better response) that would leave me here by myself for years!
Friendship is not a come as you feel like it, although it should be a come as you are. Friendship is not a one sided relationship, although both sides should feel as one. Friendship is not a season, friendship should be a lifetime.
For years I was the one who sat behind, as others moved in shotgun. Traveling at all hours day and night to pick up, drop off, purchase something needed, and so forth, the things that friends do for one another. Taking the blame for things I did not do in hopes of saving that good friend some pain, embarrassment, a hollering from someone that they would rather not see. Stepping into predicaments I did not want to be in, all in the name of that forever friend.
Forever sure went by fast. As I sit here this night wondering, do they know I am lonely, a tear in my eye, a whole in my soul…….do they care? Do they think of me at all, besides how nice it would be if they could give me a quick call to do the next thing for them.
Sad at my age, to feel left out because I do not possess the money to do the same, have the same “no fear, get up and move” attitude. The “screw them” way of thinking that seemed to be the norm. Was I blind by the fun times, calls to be a part of something I thought I belonged to. Hard to explain as you sit here alone, looking at pictures on social media of great laughs, fun times, with names of people involved……and your name, face, not mentioned.
I am too old to cry about it, I am too kindhearted to complain about, but most of all…….I am simply me. Simply the girl you took forgranted, the best person you will ever meet, the one who had your back, your tear, your family and your hand………….when someone shows you who they really are……believe them.
After all we are designed to……..love ourselves.